A chess player makes his opponent squirm in the game “Game of Thrones”
Dear Amy: I am a man who loves to play chess.
A few days ago I was playing chess against a woman who got me in trouble from the start.
In order to avoid the pain and embarrassment of being checkmated, I tried to quit.
People quit at chess in order to avoid an embarrassing endgame. This is the rule of mercy in chess.
However, my opponent would not accept my surrender. She wanted to see me squirm. She wanted to watch a man.
I felt very embarrassed as she approached the final “mating”. Then she announced that she was going to use her female piece, her queen, to perform “mating”. She then placed her queen against my king, suffocating my king. In front of several of her friends, she said: âCheckmate. It was extremely embarrassing for me.
Chess is the only game that has a special word to announce the death of the defeated person. I conceded defeat to him; again, very embarrassing to me.
Amy, what do you think of the response from my opponent and his girlfriends? I think my opponent should have accepted my intention to resign. – Totally embarrassed by the defeat
Expensive Totally: Your game of chess seemed more sexually violent than “Game of Thrones”. I can understand why you felt so raped.
I shared your question with Daniel Lucas, editor-in-chief of “Chess Life” magazine (uschess.org), who responds as follows:
âThe Russian-born Grandmaster Savielly Tartakower wrote: ‘No match has ever been won by resigning’. While it is true that you have to fight to the end, there may come a point where a match is hopelessly lost, and in this case, most players on the winning side find it rude if their opponent keeps playing – the resignation is expected.
There is nothing quite like “not accepting a resignation” in chess. The next time you find yourself facing a losing game, give your opponent a firm handshake and say, “I’m resigning, good game.” You can even punctuate this by rocking your king.
If your opponent insists that you keep playing, it’s perfectly okay to say, âI quit. The game is over. Congratulations on your victory, âthen get up and go.
A player must be graceful in victory. An athlete would not gloat but would respond with “Thank you, good game to you too”, then engage in a friendly autopsy where the “what ifs” can be analyzed. This helps turn the game from a pure win / lose equation into a positive learning experience for both players.
Learn to take care of yourself
Dear Amy: I have a daughter with a woman I didn’t know very well. To be honest, she cheated on me by telling me that she was taking birth control when she was not.
She returned to her home country to have the baby.
Now she has married another man. She teaches my daughter (2 years) to call him “Papa”. They even teach him that his last name is hers, when in fact it’s mine.
I live more than four hours from them. It really bothers me. Should he? – Parent in difficulty
Dear in difficulty: Of course, that should bother you. You imply that you are trying to maintain a relationship with your child and I guess you pay child support and see it when you can.
Understand that it is confusing for a toddler to grasp this parentage situation, especially if he is not spending time with you, while this other man is in his life every day.
You should ask a lawyer to review your options. Does this man want to adopt your daughter? Are you open to it? Can you handle bi-weekly (or monthly) visits? Can your daughter call you “Pappa” when she calls this other man “Papa”?
All children should know the truth about their parentage, but it will be done in stages. You should be involved in the truth in a gentle way.
Dear Amy: As part of the discussion of how to address a woman who took her husband’s last name, you suggested, âLet’s stop calling them by maiden names.
I completely agree. At my university, they taught us to say âbirth nameâ instead of âmaiden nameâ. It can apply to anyone who has changed their name since birth, not just women who change their name during marriage. – Anne
Dear Anna: Yes. And he dodges the awkwardness of a woman described as a “young girl”.
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